I’m a counselor and still, this surprised me.
Even with years of schooling and experience helping students navigate anxiety, it feels very different when it shows up in your own child. The knowledge helps, but it doesn’t shield you from the worry, the heartbreak, or the uncertainty.
What my background did allow me to do was recognize the signs earlier than some parents might. Not because I’m a better parent, but because I knew what I was looking at. I want to help other parents to understand what signs to look out for, and how to help your child.
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What Anxiety Looks Like in Our Home
Anxiety in young children rarely sounds like “I’m anxious.”
It shows up in the body and behaviors when moments feel intense or confusing.
Some of the earliest signs we noticed were:
- Fast, shallow breathing, especially during transitions or unexpected changes
- Frequent complaints of stomach aches, often without a medical cause
- Crying or emotional escalations that felt sudden or disproportionate
Because of my prior education, I recognized these as possible anxiety symptoms fairly quickly. Children can not express themselves fully with words, so it often comes out in their behaviors.
Other symptoms parents may notice include:
- Clinginess or difficulty separating from caregivers
- Avoidance of new or previously enjoyed activities
- Trouble falling or staying asleep; increased nighttime fears
- Irritability or sudden anger
- Repeated reassurance-seeking (“Are you sure?”)
- Intense distress over mistakes or changes in routine
None of these mean a child is being dramatic, manipulative, or “too sensitive.” They mean their nervous system is overwhelmed.
What Anxiety Is (and What It Isn’t)
Anxiety is the body’s built-in alarm system. It exists to keep us safe by activating the fight, flight, or freeze response when danger is detected.
In anxious children, that system is overly sensitive. The alarm goes off even when there’s no real threat. For children this can be a new environment, a loud sound, or an upcoming transition.
When I started noticing the first anxiety symptoms I told myself it was just his age. I knew it was more when we signed him up for Tae Kwon Do. He had seen some videos of people doing Tae Kwon Do and asked if he could do it too. There was a studio very close to our house, that was running a great special for first time students, so I signed him up; he was thrilled!
Then the day came to tour the studio, meet the instructor and get a uniform; he cried and wouldn’t even walk through the door. We carried him in and he kept asking to leave before we even spoke to anyone. The space was loud, and overwhelming for him, so he started to cry. The instructor came over and took us into a quiet room. The instructor did great making him feel comfortable so he finally calmed down. He tried on a uniform and learned a few moves. He was so excited to go back.
Cue the next weekend, he happily got his uniform on and got into the car. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot the crying started. Again we carried him in. He cried and said he wanted to leave. We told him that he didn’t have to participate, but we wanted him to watch the practice. He clung to us the whole time, and refused to interact when the instructor came over. We left early. It was hard to watch him be so upset, but I was also mad at myself for growing increasingly annoyed for his behavior.
One more weekend, and we wanted to give it another try. This time there was a massive meltdown to even put the uniform on. This is when I knew that it wasn’t just his age or him being defiant, he was struggling to express the anxiety he was feeling. We talked through how he was feeling, and made the decision to not go back to Tae Kwon Do. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder.
Was that the first time he displayed anxious behaviors? No, but that was the first time I KNEW it was anxiety; not age, not nerves, not because of something I did wrong.
This is important to say clearly:
Anxiety is not a parenting failure.
And it is not something a child chooses.
What Has Helped Our Family
There hasn’t been a single solution. What’s helped has been a combination of supports and skills that work together over time.
Therapy
Working with a therapist who specializes in childhood anxiety gave us clarity, validation, and direction. I knew that he struggled with transitions since preschool. After the Tae Kwon Do experience, I wanted to make sure we had the tools to make the Kindergarten transition easier.
Because of my prior education and current experience as a school counselor, I had the knowledge to help him myself, but I doubted myself. We had 2 sessions with the therapist and she assured me that we were already doing all of the right things at home. It felt so good to hear! She helped us to gather a coping skills tool box, helped me learn how to respond without unintentionally reinforcing fear (that I brought home to my husband), and suggested a CBT Workbook.
We have not gone back to the therapist since, I have made it very clear that if anytime what mommy is doing isn’t working, we can go back!
CBT Workbooks for Kids
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Child-friendly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools made anxiety feel more concrete and less scary. Externalizing worries, naming feelings, and practicing skills through activities gave our child a sense of control.
My son loves the one that we got, for the first few months before Kindergarten we did a few pages a night. Now my son will ask to do it when he is feeling anxious or has a bad day. We use, When Harley has Anxiety, but there are so many others to choose from!
Deep Breathing (Made Kid-Friendly)
Telling a child to “take a deep breath” often isn’t enough. What worked better were visuals and play:
- Smelling a flower
- Blowing out a candle, or blowing on a pinwheel
- Catching a pretend bubble and holding it in your mouth
- Slow belly breathing while tracing with a finger
- Counting breaths – “breath in and out”
- Blowing bubbles
Regulating the body first makes everything else easier.
Grounding Games
One of our go-to tools during anxious moments is taking turns listing animals or the names of all the baby animals on Wild Kratts. It’s simple, playful, and surprisingly effective. Grounding brings attention back to the present moment and helps interrupt the anxiety spiral.
Another great one is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, one you can taste. When kids are younger try just starting with 1 from each. It still gets their brain distracted from their anxious feels and gets them to focus on the world around them.
Other Techniques That Can Help
Every child is different, but many families find these strategies supportive:
- Predictable routines
- Preparing children ahead of time for transitions – this is a HUGE one for us!
- Validating feelings without feeding the fear (“I see you’re scared. I’m here.”)
- Staying calm ourselves (even when it’s hard) – this probably takes the most work
- Teaching emotional vocabulary early
- Movement, play, and time outdoors
- Limited screentime
As a counselor, I know regulation comes before reasoning.
As a parent, I’m constantly practicing that truth.
If You’re Worried You’re Seeing This Too
If you’re reading this and wondering whether your child might be experiencing anxiety, trust yourself! You don’t need certainty or a diagnosis to start offering support.
Some gentle steps you can take:
- Notice patterns rather than isolated moments
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician about physical symptoms
- Reach out to a child therapist for consultation
- Focus on connection and co-regulation before problem-solving
And remember: seeking help early is not an overreaction. It’s care.
What I’ve Learned Along the Way
Progress is not linear. There are times where anxiety feels quieter, and moments when it returns loudly. That doesn’t mean the tools aren’t working.
Supporting an anxious child is emotionally demanding, even when you “know what to do.” Parents deserve compassion too. You don’t have to do this perfectly to do it well. We are all human and doing the best we can!
Keep Going!!
Anxiety may be part of our child’s story, but it doesn’t define it.
With support, understanding, and time, children can learn to trust their bodies, name their emotions, and develop resilience that will serve them for life.
My son is able to now vocalize when he is feeling worried, anxious, or overwhelmed. That doesn’t mean that he can always do that. There are still times when he gets so upset his belly ache causes heartbreaking sobs, cries at his own birthday party because it’s too loud, or when he clings to me instead of trying new things. Everyday is different and we just have to support him along the way.
Even as a counselor, the most important thing I can do is simply stay close, breathe alongside my child, and remind them they’re not alone.
References & Further Reading
- American Psychological Association (APA): Anxiety Disorders in Children
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): Children’s Mental Health
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Anxiety Disorders
- Kendall, P. C. – Child and Adolescent Therapy: Cognitive-Behavioral Procedures
- Unwind this Monday with the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
- OpenAI. Chat GPT